A Day in the Life of an Internet Spammer

*Based loosely on personal experience and second-hand accounts.

Yawn, yawn, yawn. I’m barely getting out of bed at the crack of noon. I have to commute a whole 10 feet to my computer to start my busy day of bringing products people didn’t know they needed directly to their email! Spamming is hard!

Spam, spam, spam.

I just made a new instant messaging account! I must try it out! How many people can I IM?

Hi, my name is Jessica! Hi, my name is Amanda! Hi, my name is Stacey! I’m a hot chick, and I want to show you pictures of me doing hot things like splashing on the beach or sitting on the hood of a car! Just click on my link, hotgirlsdoingshotthings.com and then you can look at pictures of me!

Oh, how boring it must be working in an office all day long without any contact with the outside world. I bet all those office men are thinking of being at home, spending time with their wives, but if only they had pills to make that certain special manly part bigger. I can help them with that! I’m doing humanitarian work!

New free trial samples of BiggerManParts! Read my email to learn all about how you can get bigger man parts by trying samples of my free new pill, Bigger Man Parts! We’ll even throw in free samples of ViagerrX! It’s like Viagra, but only sold in Canada! I’ll ship both free samples to you for only five easy payments of $35.99!

Oh, no! What if their spam blocking software realized I’m not a legitimate email! I’ll misspell a whole bunch of simple words! Yeah, that will throw it off!

That Rick Astley is so funny! I must share his musical prowess with the world!

Click on me to see politically charged monkeys flinging rhetorical poo! Haha, I’m actually a music video instead! You just got Rickrolled! Spamming is fun!

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